Adventures in Cyber Space
That girl I was supposed to meet?... Well ... won't be happening. Can't say it comes as any surprise. I mean ... she was upfront about some sort of emotional disorder ... and I was a bit cautious about it (especially when it comes with a twenty-pill-a-day bandage) What can it hurt to go have coffee with her? I figured, as long as I don't get involved, I can't get hurt. Seems when I bed 'em ... they go nuts. Didn't have to this time....
We traded e-mails for a week ... and chatted a couple of times. More we spoke ... the weirder she sounded. Get this ... because I had a "near-death experience" way back when (and all this time ... I thought I was just 'cold-conked') ... and she had one just a little over a month before mine ... she believes our spirits left our bodies and crossed somewhere out there in the neitherworld. Hmmm ... we've already met!... Well, early this morning, there was no long e-mail ... in answer to mine at night. I sent her a short message ... thought her server was down again. I was blocked. Think she did me a favour.
I've been having some fun on the dateline forums.... Fact ... the forums are a great way to get rid of a lot of hurt. But, man, it is way too easy to get yourself into trouble!
Told you about that nutty one.... Well, Saturday night, I posted a response to a girl's lament about being rejected because she showed some guy online her picture. The one in her profile was nice. Almost what you'd picture for someone called "Maid Marion" ... just a little plump and very pretty. She said it had just been taken a little while ago ... so it was recent.
She responded my forum post ... and said she'd tried e-mailing me... but my setting was for local (within 50 miles) She's from the City ... so outside my restriction. Well ... I reset it. City's not THAT far away for a pretty girl. Right away, we went on the dateline chat ... then to MSN. Within her first ten lines, she offered me things I wouldn't even be bold enough to ask for from someone I'd been with for a lot of years! I'm not on this thing for cyber sex.
Not much to do in the wee hours of a Sunday morning in a small town ... especially when pain won't let me sleep and there's nobody to hug. I flirted for awhile ... and heard a lot of strange and exotic things. Around 3, it was time to shut down and try the sleep thing. She pounced me online as I opened MSN to check e-mails later on in the day. It was the same sort of thing as the night before. All that out of such a pretty face! Told her I wasn't comfortable with cyber. She did say she wanted someone to love her ... so we started talking nice. Every so often, though....
Hmmm.... I go to myself when I check her MSN public profile. She calls herself one name to me ... but she's another in here. "Maid Marion" or any of her other persona may not be who she wants me to believe ... or there's a lot more than she wants folks to know....
She was back on Sunday night. Man ... can she speak a fine web! It was pretty much a rehash of the night before ... with promises of how much she really wanted someone in her life. Didn't stay on long though ... because her slipping back into online sex was really starting to bother me.
She wanted to Greyhound it here ... and do everything for real. Course ... it's all a line of crap, right?... Right? Please, somebody tell me I’m right! Managed to convince her that a five hour bus trip wasn't going to happen that early in the morning..
She nailed me again when I checked e-mails Monday. Told her I had to pay the rent ... so I'd be gone for awhile. I stayed off MSN ... but I have some people I chat with from here and back home. While I was chatting with my daughter, she ambushed me again. At least she was patient enough to wait until I was done chatting. That surprised me.
Now ... me having a pretty girl hot after me is something out of the ordinary. Someone who looks like that normally wouldn't give me the time of day!
Later ... last night ... she caught me on MSN again. Now ... I'm starting to get interested.
Bad Wolf! *slap-slap*
Said she'd be on the 1 o'clock bus ... and where should she get the driver to stop. I'd already said I lived over a grocery store ... and across the road from a church. That doesn't mean much to someone who knows city. Here ... in this little town ... that's called directions! Then ... she asked if I wanted to see her on her webcam.
Already knew what she looked like ... but it's always nice to see the someone's smile. Wrong thing to do, Wolf! Wasn't something I ever saw before!... Wasn't something I ever want to see again either! When I finally DID get to see her eyes ... it was her alright ... about twenty years and two hundred pounds later! My "Maid Marian" looks more like Friar Tuck ... complete with the balding plate!
Now ... she's using the appearances thing (my own feel-good words) against me. Really had to do some back-peddling to get out of that gracefully. I don't like hurting anyone! Finally convinced her that I was still healing from a bad relationship and it wouldn't be right to get involved in what could only be a rebound thing. She wanted sex. Told her "Jesus would frown if I were to use a fellow human for pleasures of the flesh."
I've had MSN on since 9:00 and haven't been pounced yet. Maybe thoughts of Jesus and stray lightning bolts from that "church across the street" got Maid Marion's mind off westbound Greyhounds? Never told her which apartment I was in. Hmmmm.... If she didn't think to turn at the top of the stairs ... poor Henry and his meet with a hungry female Friar Tuck might add another interesting chapter to the story of this little town....
This little exchange comes as a result of a topic on dating in small rural towns. Guy from Florida feels like sometimes he's on a deserted island when it comes to meeting ladies:
"Thanks for the smile, bud.... I live in the same small town ... way up here in the Great White North.... You know ... the sort of place where the tallest building is the water tower? Bigger disadvantage for me is ... the largest percentage of this place is French Catholic (NO for all the pouncers.... NOT a jab!) and I'm an English-speaking person of ... well ... not the same Faith. Within my POF distance thing and my age preference ... the ratio of men to women is 157/70. Of those 70, about 20 are active ... and all but one are over 40 miles away. Deserted island?.... Gilligan had better chances!..."
"LW.... Isn't the church taller than the tower? Oh no wait, you're right. The tower is taller.
My parents were born and raised there...."
"Hi! Thanks for even knowing where this place is! When you're coming in from your way, you see the church first. Water tower's on a hill ... so it might be an optical illusion!"
Wednesday: No visitor. <"Whew" wolf exclaims, wiping big beads of perspiration from his worried brow> I hope I convinced her I really was the Big Bad Wolf ... though from the sounds of things ... she didn't want me to stick to the script anyhow.... *slap! slap!* Bad Wolf! I stayed off MSN for the most part all evening ... after she pounced Wednesday afternoon. Late last night ... there was an e-mail from her. Not quite as descriptive ... but the ideas were still there. So ... I kind of lied. *slap!-slap*
<washes mouth out with soap ... watches steeple for stray lightning bolt>
The pretty Maid Marion has read the Blog ... so it seemed like a good out for me. You know ... Exit.... Stage left.... Running....
Gave her a BS tale about T and tears ... and I'm staying off MSN so she can't catch me at home. Good cover? This afternoon ... there's another message:
"...But do you really want to have your feelings hurt all over again if you do go back with her ? I know you said you have to do a lot of soul searching. Do you not think she'd do the same thing over again?
Would that mean our fun little chats would have to end also? I guess me going up there might be permanently delayed?
I understand we'd still be friends, and I guess that's all I'm ever going to be to anyone
I just don't want to see you get hurt again over her. That's my concern ... because you are such a caring and wonderful guy whom I'd hate to see hurt again like she hurt you ... but it is Totally Your decision and I hope you make the right one. Know I am here for you no matter what, like I've said...."
Nice guilt trip huh?... especially in light of the sad tale of woe I sent. I'll send her another e-mail after midnight ... so she'll think I was away all day ... and tell her that we got back together or something. Tried telling her on the chats that I wasn't interested in being more than friends. She's got the smell of something other than that on her ... uh ... mind.
Okay.... I hate lying to anyone.... When she was the cute and slightly plumpish "Maid Marion" ... I was interested. Then, reality reared its head. That's pretty deceptive. She was really "Friar Tuck".... Well, that's called tit-for-tat ... or is it hiding in plain sight?
Back to the small town thing.... That exchange yesterday was continued today. She's a very pretty 28-year-old girl ... married with kids ... and not looking for me....
Really too bad that she’s twenty years younger than me ... and wants a woman!
"...Hey LW!
I was born and raised in Sturgeon, Lone......and tons of my relatives live there!..."
"...Hi W.... Sturgeon is "big city" from this little town's perspective (lol) You couldn't help but know Verner then ... about a mile-and-a-half's worth of village tucked between Hwy 17 at the foot of the escarpment, and CPR and the mighty river Veuve not a quarter mile to the south....
Work is scarce ... so the kids move away to find it. Strong Faith and culture says folks stay married ... even in less-than-ideal circumstances. Only when it really gets bad do they leave. Cheating is almost expected. Even so ... divorce is frowned upon.
It's long way to go for counselling ... and it's bad karma to air dirty laundry anyhow. Small town pride says "fix it yourself". It all means my dating prospects are people with lots of baggage ... or widows a generation ahead me.
You brought up another bugaboo of small-town life too. Relatives.... Everyone's related. I'm an outsider ... but not of the culture. Leave a relationship with one ... and you've insulted the rest of one big family. It's the same in every small rural town.... I was raised in the same small town in Central Ontario ... Kinmount...."
Only a bit of excitement tonight. *sniffle sniffle* "Maid Marion" and I broke up.... <BAWL!> Told her I spoke to the ex last night ... and we were going to meet and talk today. (Still feel bad about lying ... but it's a whole lot kinder than telling her the truth ........ and mean things like that) No lightning bolts from across the street ... so I guess I'm safe....
Got a message from fair damsel, this afternoon, urging me to stay away from the ex because she was just going to hurt me ... and she was the one who really deserved me ... and the ex couldn't be as good as her in bed ... and ... well ... I'm sure you can guess the rest.
I ignored the letter ... and stayed off MSN until around 10. When I did go online she sent a sullen "hi". Then, she sent me an e-mail ... but wouldn't chat *sniffle some more*. I replied, saying T and I discussed things ... and she'd thought things through and blah-blah-blah....
Then, she opened on chat again. She was grumpy and whining and offering me the best sex I'd ever have and.... Well, you can pretty much guess to what lengths desperate (and horny) women can go.... Told her I intended to give the "relationship" my best effort ... and cyber sex is pretty much cheating in my books.
Then she sent another e-mail ... basically calling me everything but a white man ... and how Nooooo man ever wants me and.... WAAAAAH! I caught her again on chat ... and she was nice ... then mean ... then horny ... then ready to kill herself ... then....
What a performance! At one point she YELLED why don't you just F**K HER! ... so I sent back: I DID!... And, for your information ... it was darned good too! *slap slap* Bad wolf!
Course ... that brought on another e-mail inviting me to shoot her ... then do other things with her ... and why couldn't we have cyber sex and.... What a nutbar! She caught me again on chat ... and went through the whole cycle again ... so I just shut off the chat and blocked her ... then blocked her from my e-mail accounts too. Can't block her on dateline ... because she hasn't sent anything there.
I don't think I'll be hearing from her again ... but she does know my phone number ... and there's about five westbound Greyhounds a day pass under my window. I don't have a back door!
That one in Sudbury has family around here ... names deleted for obvious reasons.... My response was: "I know both names.... Small town has a certain advantage in giving directions though.... Over the grocery store and across from the church actually means something...."
Her answer was lust a laugh. She is God-awful cute ... and I really wouldn't mind if she followed those directions ... just once! But alas, poor wolf, she's 20 years younger ... and I'm not her type.
Now ... you figure I'm using my imagination in telling "Maid Marion" ... er ... uh ... "Friar Tuck" that T and I did the nasty? What imagination? It happened ... just ... not yesterday! T's only screwed with my head for the last little while.... LOL. Still feel a little bad about using her for an excuse ... but I think she'd have used me for a lot more than that. My tale is BS repellant.
Blocking "Maid Marion" worked. I've had no e-mails or chatline bushwhackings ... but she does know my phone number ... and there's about five westbound Greyhounds a day pass under my window. Tone of her last message says she *sniffle whimper sniffle snort* doesn't love me any more. Do I really sound heart-broken?
I'd been speaking with a lady, on and off for a little while, on those Forums. Seen her profile online many times ... over many months. In fact ... as far back as when I first started looking on these computer things just after Monique and I broke up.
She's from a nearby village ... is actively involved in an industry I have yet to break into. Might be a foot in the door ... but I've never sent to her. Sort of figured I wasn't the sort of person she'd ever take an interest in.
She's posted about how hard it is to meet someone up here in the sticks ... how lonely it is being a widow in a big country ... how there's so many guys who just show up and expect her to jump into bed with them ... how a lot of the guys are just looking for something on the side ... how she feels like she made a wrong decision moving from the West coast....
About three weeks ago, she posted on the Forums how scared she was because they'd found a lump in her breast, and she had to go in for a biopsy. She's had several health concerns before ... and the big 'C' puts the Fear in all of us ... so she really thought it was her turn. I offered her prayers ... but I never heard anything more.
She contacted me through the dateline. She read my profile ... and liked what she'd read. Not really on here to find romance ... yet. All the same, we exchanged e-mails over the day.... It's nice to trade some intelligent conversation. Guess I still figure a lady whose got her shit together isn't going to want anything to do with a guy on Disability.
I don't think I'll see that one from the City ... but my hair's gonna stand on end every time the bus slows down for the next little while. She has a good idea where I live. Got a card from her today .... feeling sorry for herself ... and for being so mean. Not answering it though.... It would only encourage her. I saw enough behaviour on the chat line to know she's worse than any of my worst nightmares when it comes to controlling and abusive women. She'll get over it....
Heard from another girl I'd met online a little while ago. Was kind enough to tell me that she'd met someone .... and was going to pursue it. Sent her a short note offering my congratulations. I heard nothing from her since I told her I was on a disability allowance ... so the other fellow probably has more to offer anyhow.
Didn't hear anything more from my nearby friend for a few days. Thursday, she was back on the Forums again. She'd just come back from the dye test at ... and was feeling a bit sick and scared. I posted a little "feel good" message to her thread.
Another one of her threads I’ve been following with some interest is one about her troubles with a stalker. Cops have already had their laugh about mine ... and it sounds like her luck hasn't been much better. There's got to be some way to deal with this crap.
Today, we chatted quite a few times as she did some offline work ... and we both played around on the Forums. At eight Friday evening, I met with a lady who really seems to have her stuff together. We sat at Hortons (always a good safe place to meet) until just before eleven. Has she ever got pretty eyes!... and so green-blue! Bit sad and troubled ... and a hint of something not so trustworthy ...but they know how to laugh. Didn't like how she kept cutting me off in conversation though. Control issues? Told her ... this is a just friends thing.
It's a long shot ... and I won't even consider usury ... but maybe she can give me some advice on how to get my books published through some of her connections.
Course ... as stalkers and cyber adventures go ... when I got home, there were two more cards ... e-cards ... the chink in every block ... from that weirdo in the City. How deep can someone wallow into their own self pity?
In the couple of hours I'd been pecking at a really long letter ... there were two more cards come in on Hotmail from C ... or A ... or whatever her real name is..... I responded to one and told her we could be friends and nothing more. Darn! I wish there was a way to block cards on these e-mail things!
That girl I was supposed to meet way back at the beginning? Well ... she's requested to be added to my MSN list again. Why not?... It's an adventure....
Monday, I went to North Bay with my new friend. She kind of scolded me for hanging onto past relationships. I'm healing ... not carrying the pain. I chose to remember the good ... and give them their names. How do you explain that to someone who may be a potential match? Height thing hasn't been that much of an impediment. Really ... what does it matter anyhow. I'd already made it clear that all I wanted was a friend. I had no intention of jumping into another relationship just yet. We stopped by my place ... where the start of a post was on my computer screen. I told her of my stalker ... and how I was going to expose her ... and she approved!
I got a few more cards (in various moods and with some very nasty comments) from that one in the City. One ... she was planning on catching the bus and showing me her skills. She swears that once I've tried her ... I'll "...forget all about that loser you're seeing now...." By Saturday, she was getting persistent. A rather personal message prompted me set my trap.
I posted a short "history" of my former girlfriend's woes ... sprinkled liberally with hints that we may be getting back together. That evening ... the bait took. Just a few hours later, my stalker raged onto my thread with two fire and brimstone speeches of how I was a liar, a fool etc. I rested my case ... and she came back with another string. An hour later, and the very next post, she was back with a third identity.
Sunday, I caught heck online from my new friend about exposing my stalker. She assured me she'd said her piece now, and she would let it rest. That evening, we had supper at her place ... where she revealed she was an ordained minister. Well ... she's a friend, and a minister too, so her word should almost be gospel.
Again, the subject of my stalker came up. She was a bit put out that her problems with a stalker had prompted me to deal directly with mine ... considering the attitude of local cops seemed to indicate they thought my problem was a joke. A comment in my stalker's rag last night of being "clinically depressed" weighed heavily on her mind. It was the first I'd heard of it.
Monday, I got an e-mail from my "friend" about how we could only be friends. She was still upset that I'd set upon this "poor mentally challenged girl" and hurt her chances to find love. Again I told her all I wanted was to be a friend. Then ... she publicly slammed me. Revelation of things I'd spoken in confidence to a friend ... and a minister ... all of a sudden, became public knowledge in a very nasty tirade through the Forums.
There was no point in defending myself. Although I did post some documentation to support my case, I was content to forgive. I certainly didn't attack her the way she obsessed on me and mixed facts with her own feelings and interpretations through about five threads on the same subject over several days.
My chances on the dateline are about shot. I'm a writer ... and so is she. Is it jealousy? Have no idea why ... considering she's the published author. Maybe I upstaged her. Her drama queen posts, over many weeks, got her nowhere in shaking her stalker (real or imaginary) ... and I'd exposed mine immediately.
Yes ... the streets of Verner are silent for now ... but here at the Verner Blabb ... I'm burning late night oil.
So ... how was your day?
Take care out there....
Wolf