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jdmommd · 02-15-2006, 06:59 PM

The door slammed and it was over. Five and a half years lingered as an echo in the hallway. Home suddenly became alien, empty and desperate for the missing piece. My whole body ached with despair and my eyes, fixed in a lost gaze, were unable to drip a tear. The end was here. Denial of the impending separation slowly started to transform into reality.
Lying in slumber, nestled in her bed directly above me, was my angelic baby. Sleeping beauty, her perspiration in the night pastes her thin, golden hair to her rosy cheeks. Her vibrant personality and curious nature radiate from her, even as she lies so still. Now two-and-a-half, not much of a baby anymore, she’s still too young to understand how tonight will change the rest of her life. Daddy was her playmate. We did everything together.
Brian and I, Jessica, married three days after I turned seventeen. Our romance before we tied the knot was comparable to a happily ever after fairy tale. Each piece of ourselves we shared with each other, left us longing for more. The hours together sped by like seconds and soon we were inseparable. My life was inspired for the first time. My thoughts and speech were poetic much like a melody of words and my emotions were so alive it was almost as if I was really dead my whole life up to that point. Together never felt like enough. We both used to have this overwhelming desire to fuse together into one; as much surface area of our bodies as possible had to be touching the other while in company. Feeling this way must’ve only meant one thing…..true love, the kind that lasts forever. Soul mates, serendipity, meant to be.
Slowly over the first two years we started to loose our individual identities. Our lives became so routine to coming home to one another each day we forgot why we were. We slowly lost contact with our friends; given that we were married so young all of our friends were still single and had different lives. Feeding only from each other, even our family had somewhat slipped away, we ate away the reasons we fell in love, who we were.
Two years after our union we decided to conceive our first child, Mason. My advice to anyone slightly not happy in their marrriage: don’t have kids. Truthfully, we didn’t have a marriage, anyhow. It was a legal document binding two kids into a lifelong commitment misunderstood and overestimated. Being only 19 and 20 at the birth of our first child tugged the plug from our electric connection. I once heard “love” defined as “when the others happiness is essential to your own”. Well, Mason had us wrapped around her finger quickly leaving it hard to always think about each other’s needs. It was almost as if, initially, we only had two places in our heart that ourselves and each other filled. When Mason came along she bumped “each other” out and our second priority then became ourselves. We were absolutely too young to marry and positively not ready to bring life into this world. I almost could have written at this point how the next three years would go.
The last few months of our relationship were like the game Jenga. We kept pulling ourselves away from each other piece by piece until the only thing left was the desire for each other’s bodies. Finally the tower came crashing down that wintery fall night. The dawn of discovery, we looked into each other’s eyes and no longer felt anything more than the inkling of disgust and hatred. Standing on the landing of our old Victorian stairs that wrapped around leading to the entrance door of our living room I watched that door close for the last time.
Almost two years later now, I thank God for that night. I’ve taken on many new titles since leaving “wife” at the doorstep of that home; single mother of two, student, employee, and most importantly Christian. Unraveling the mystery of who I am has brought the deepest satisfaction to my life I’ve ever known. Still, almost two years later, I haven’t even been on a date but one thing that will be written in stone when I do is who I am and who I want to continually grow into.
Divorce is never an easy adventure. One thing that is sure to come out of most, despite the brokenheartedness, is finding one’s self. I uncovered a beautiful woman that had been suppressed for years. I will never settle for less than exactly what I want in life. I wake up each day and go to battle for what I believe in and the perfect ending to my new fairy-tale.

02-15-2006, 06:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
jdmommd Noogle Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Cincinnati, OH Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	divorce The door slammed and it was over. Five and a half years lingered as an echo in the hallway. Home suddenly became alien, empty and desperate for the missing piece. My whole body ached with despair and my eyes, fixed in a lost gaze, were unable to drip a tear. The end was here. Denial of the impending separation slowly started to transform into reality. Lying in slumber, nestled in her bed directly above me, was my angelic baby. Sleeping beauty, her perspiration in the night pastes her thin, golden hair to her rosy cheeks. Her vibrant personality and curious nature radiate from her, even as she lies so still. Now two-and-a-half, not much of a baby anymore, she’s still too young to understand how tonight will change the rest of her life. Daddy was her playmate. We did everything together. Brian and I, Jessica, married three days after I turned seventeen. Our romance before we tied the knot was comparable to a happily ever after fairy tale. Each piece of ourselves we shared with each other, left us longing for more. The hours together sped by like seconds and soon we were inseparable. My life was inspired for the first time. My thoughts and speech were poetic much like a melody of words and my emotions were so alive it was almost as if I was really dead my whole life up to that point. Together never felt like enough. We both used to have this overwhelming desire to fuse together into one; as much surface area of our bodies as possible had to be touching the other while in company. Feeling this way must’ve only meant one thing…..true love, the kind that lasts forever. Soul mates, serendipity, meant to be. Slowly over the first two years we started to loose our individual identities. Our lives became so routine to coming home to one another each day we forgot why we were. We slowly lost contact with our friends; given that we were married so young all of our friends were still single and had different lives. Feeding only from each other, even our family had somewhat slipped away, we ate away the reasons we fell in love, who we were. Two years after our union we decided to conceive our first child, Mason. My advice to anyone slightly not happy in their marrriage: don’t have kids. Truthfully, we didn’t have a marriage, anyhow. It was a legal document binding two kids into a lifelong commitment misunderstood and overestimated. Being only 19 and 20 at the birth of our first child tugged the plug from our electric connection. I once heard “love” defined as “when the others happiness is essential to your own”. Well, Mason had us wrapped around her finger quickly leaving it hard to always think about each other’s needs. It was almost as if, initially, we only had two places in our heart that ourselves and each other filled. When Mason came along she bumped “each other” out and our second priority then became ourselves. We were absolutely too young to marry and positively not ready to bring life into this world. I almost could have written at this point how the next three years would go. The last few months of our relationship were like the game Jenga. We kept pulling ourselves away from each other piece by piece until the only thing left was the desire for each other’s bodies. Finally the tower came crashing down that wintery fall night. The dawn of discovery, we looked into each other’s eyes and no longer felt anything more than the inkling of disgust and hatred. Standing on the landing of our old Victorian stairs that wrapped around leading to the entrance door of our living room I watched that door close for the last time. Almost two years later now, I thank God for that night. I’ve taken on many new titles since leaving “wife” at the doorstep of that home; single mother of two, student, employee, and most importantly Christian. Unraveling the mystery of who I am has brought the deepest satisfaction to my life I’ve ever known. Still, almost two years later, I haven’t even been on a date but one thing that will be written in stone when I do is who I am and who I want to continually grow into. Divorce is never an easy adventure. One thing that is sure to come out of most, despite the brokenheartedness, is finding one’s self. I uncovered a beautiful woman that had been suppressed for years. I will never settle for less than exactly what I want in life. I wake up each day and go to battle for what I believe in and the perfect ending to my new fairy-tale.