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puppynut5 · 04-07-2006, 11:06 PM

PWell here's some Irish jokes...I'm Irish too so don't start hating.PPAn Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. PWhere have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? PThe girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." P"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." P"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." P"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." PNow what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. PGirl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. P"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend.

And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass.

Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time.

“Shawn,” said Pat, “can you hear me?”

Faintly, Shawn replied, “Yes, Paddy, I can.”

Bashfully, Pat started, “Do you remember our pact, Shawn?”

”Yes, I do Patty,” Shawn strained.

“And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?” said Pat.

“Yes Patty, I do,” whispered Shawn.

''It's a very ‘old’ bottle now, you know,” urged Pat.

“And what are you gettin' at Pat?” asked Shawn, briskly.

“Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?”

04-07-2006, 11:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
puppynut5 Google Freak Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Al Qa'im, Iraq Posts: 433 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	A couple Irish jokes.... PWell here's some Irish jokes...I'm Irish too so don't start hating.PPAn Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. PWhere have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? PThe girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." P"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." P"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." P"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." PNow what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. PGirl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. P"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug. There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend. And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass. Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time. “Shawn,” said Pat, “can you hear me?” Faintly, Shawn replied, “Yes, Paddy, I can.” Bashfully, Pat started, “Do you remember our pact, Shawn?” ”Yes, I do Patty,” Shawn strained. “And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?” said Pat. “Yes Patty, I do,” whispered Shawn. ''It's a very ‘old’ bottle now, you know,” urged Pat. “And what are you gettin' at Pat?” asked Shawn, briskly. “Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?”