You sound like you really like suicide, seaHawk.
Even if you don't really have as much happiness in your life as you want, you should at least try to gain some. Who knows, you might just be successful. As is rightly said, "Try, try and try until you die." If you're not able to get what you want, just keep trying. If you're still not happy, better die in making the effort than just committing suicide. Its much more honourable, and does much more good to other people than suicide. Other people might be in the same problem as you, and your death might alert others about people in such conditions.