Google Jokes (Spoof Articles)

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Google Reveals New Search Formula
By Brian Briggs

Mountain View, CA – Google announced a revamped search results ranking procedure to combat complaints that results were becoming less relevant due to commercial sites gaming the current system.

"Right now, if someone searches for information on cialis, most of the results will be for dubious online pharmacies instead of places to get more information about Cialis. We think many sites are abusing our system," said Google spokesperson Harold Li.

In the past, items like search words on the page or in the domain, number of sites that link to the site and number of outgoing link have been used to find relevant results. All these criteria have been scrapped in favor of the new formula according to Li.

While the new formula remains secret, Li revealed several of the new criteria that would be used in ranking search results.

Items that will improve search rankings in the new formula include:

* Number of semi-colons on the page.
* Use of the term 'fluffy' in the domain.
* Heavier weighting for the .name top-level domain.
* Using seventeen empty font tags before the first hyperlink.

Li also mentioned some of the criteria that could get a site banned from Google's search results. Some of these items include:

* Claiming to have nude pictures of Britney Spears just to get page views.
* Having the sequence of letters "rtg" alone or within a word more than once on a page.
* Directly linking to Google search results without prior written consent from Google.
* Using the term 'blog' as a verb on any page within a site.

Webmasters, who try to optimize their Google search rank placement, questioned the search giant's new formula.

"Google is just trying to get more press before their IPO. I don't think they are going to use this formula, but I've registered fluffycialis.com just in case," said Googlehore CEO, Link Lotser.

The fluffycialis.com home page reads, 'Get; your; Cialis; cheap; and; fluffy;' with proper empty font tags.

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Google Releases Print Edition
By The Specious Report

Mountain View, CA - Have a house full of empty bookshelves? Then you might consider getting the complete Google in hardcover.

Google Print EditionThe world's biggest search engine is now the world's biggest set of reference books.

Joining the roster of megaworks like the 2 by 1.5 meter Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey Across the Last Himalayan Kingdom and Gary Larson's 60-pound The Complete Far Side, Google's 36,795 volumes will be ten times larger than the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary.

The 2,481-volume "A" set can be pre-ordered online now and will be in bookstores later this month. Google plans to release a new letter of the alphabet every two weeks.

The collection could be a godsend for the 40% of the population who don't yet have Internet access, or simply a convenience for someone who doesn't want to power up the computer every time they need to run a web-search.

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Things Google Plans to Do with Their IPO Money
11. From this day forward, always get extra cheese on the pizza.
10. Hire staff to create Google in more silly languages like Klingon and French.
9. Hire hitmen to take care of all the bloggers involved in Google bombing.
8. Spend every last dime on keeping "Friends" on the air for one more season.
7. Buy t-shirts for everybody saying, "My company had an IPO and all I got were these lousy stock options worth $30,000,000."
6. Quit while they're ahead.
5. Use the really nice china, they save for when company comes over, every day.
4. You can't put a price on the profound good to mankind that is achieved by pissing off Bill Gates.
3. Pay marketing company 1.2 billion for 10 new words that rhyme with Google.
2. Stop using Froogle to buy their toner cartridges.
1. Prove once and for all that money really can buy happiness.

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Google Offers Premium
"Find Anything" Service
By Brian Briggs

Mountain View, CA - Google is now offering a premium search service to subscribers willing to pay $9.95 per month. The service called "Find Anything" allows users to not only find information on the Internet, but also in the real world as well.

One of the most touching success stories of the new service has been Kyle Ferguson who had long since given up hope. Kyle who was adopted when he just 3 weeks old has been searching for his mother for 27 years. "I just typed in 'mom' and it came up with two entries. One was a Thai restaurant but the other was my biological mother!"

The service is not limited to life changing searches such as finding a long lost parent but also more mundane tasks such as finding your lost car keys. "This service is invaluable," said one user, "I found my keys, a job and the lost city of Atlantis!"

Google has not released any technical specifications on how the new search service accomplishes such amazing results so quickly. Competitors suggest that Google has either made a deal with the devil or that they're just really good guessers.

Tammy Kelley said the service has changed her life, "Back in college I was quite the party girl and a few bad decisions caused me to lose my self-respect. I never thought I'd get it back until I tried Google's Find Anything service. I was skeptical at first, but one quick search and I'm back to feeling good about myself again."

The most popular search items on the new service are "great sex", with "episodes of Invader Zim" coming in a close second.

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it is possible that goolge may replace encyclopedia

[tntcheats]

it is possible that goolge may replace encyclopedia

Google, too.