Funny but Useless Information

[Pixel]

Direct Link Darwin Awards

[UPI, Spain] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock - and was killed instantly

[AP, St. Louis, MO] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

[AP, Arkansas] Pillsbury DoughBoy Wanted for Attempted Murder. A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open. She looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda didn't know what to do; so she ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics. They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, then attempted to hold her brain in!

PADERBORN, GERMANY:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happens.

Do you trust your doctor? Do you trust doctors? Maybe you should think about that. The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians:
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to floor.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three years.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

For more of these things just visit the link at the top an click on any of the links near the top (1999 Darwin Awards Nominees,etc.)

[Pixel]

Direct Link: Dumb Laws

If you live in the USA, click on your state. For other countries click on other countries on the side bar.

[Eric]

WTF!? ehm...okay...right...thanks...
Why do I get the feeling someone is going to make a "random discussion" topic sooner or later?

[Pixel]

Hey I got bored. Plus we don't have a jokes/funny stuff forum.

[Lupine1647]

Originally Posted by Mandrake

Direct Link: Dumb Laws

If you live in the USA, click on your state. For other countries click on other countries on the side bar.

I can't remember which state it is, but there is a law where if you are going to murder someone, you must tell them that you're going to murder them 24 hours in advance.

[Eric]

Yes I know about that law, it's in effect in one of the northern US states. Here, in Canada, there is a province where the same law is in effect.

some of those stories are really stupid like the women who thought her brain came out.

and that law about the murder, that made me laugh

[Stuff2Do]

i seen on americas dumbest criminals, its illegal to buy breakfast cerial on a sunday, i forgot which state that is, what if you had none on a sunday? there would surely be some going on under the counter, then they gte raided ?????