make your facial muscles to relax!- makingyou laugh!

[cvrk3]

I intend commencing this thread exclusively for humor.
Basically these will be from the internet or print media and i will try to provide the source wherever possible. I will not be starting seperte threads for each post, but will continue in this thread only:

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries
they had
performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist
lost 7 fingers in
an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private
concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and
legs in an
accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field
events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a
train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's
president of the united States."

[cvrk3]

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

[cvrk3]

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."