lighter moments!!

[cvrk3]

This thread is dedicated exclusively for jokes and funny anecdotes, including the funny side of chats.
enjoy

[Orpheus]

ok im gonna try it, but i dont think its a good idea to do it like this.

The Businessman And The Blonde

A business man got on an elevator.


When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."


He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T".


She looked puzzled and repeated,"T-G-I-F", more slowly.


He again answered, "S-H-I-T".


The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."


The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T".


The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.


"T-G-I-F" means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?"


The man answered, "S-H-I-T" means Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

[monkee]

The Telegram:

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde, she'll read it very slow."

*Stolen from an email recieved a couple of weeks ago.
[Now, I don't know if it belongs there...but anyway..]

[cvrk3]

good show !! keep it up!!

[Orpheus]

Irony!! [Joke]


A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid" , said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"

[Orpheus]

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard
that question a thousand times before She says, "Sit down Leroy." All
the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest--he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one, he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one,
through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy Then she is
introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right...," says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. are
they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes--it makes it easier. When it is time
to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!'
An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes
a running.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street,
I
Just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop.
It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy"

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then
wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want
ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

" I call them by their last names."

[Orpheus]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, upon a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. "So, I approached the largest and most
heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground."
I yelled, "Now, back! off!! Or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed, but said: "We don't show any record of this - when did all this happen?"

"Oh....Just a couple minutes ago."

[monkee]

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay," said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"

"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"

[cvrk3]

The one on bible was excellant in tune with todays acronyms.

[Orpheus]

Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"