99 funny things to do when you order a pizza

[pleasant]

1.If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2.Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3.Use CB lingo where applicable.
4.Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5.Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6.Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. 7.Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8.Answer their questions with questions.
9.In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10.Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
11.Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12.Sing the order to the tune of your favourite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
13.Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14.Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15.Stutter on the letter "p."
16.Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) 17.Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18.Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19.Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20.Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21.Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22.Make a list of exotic cuisine's. Order them as toppings.
23.Change your accent every three seconds.
24.Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25.Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26.Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
27.If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28.Rent a pizza.
29.Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30.Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31.Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32.Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33.Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34.Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
35.Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36.Imitate the order taker's voice.
37.Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38.When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39.Play a sitar in the background.
40.Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41.Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42.Ask to see a menu.
43.Quote Carl Sandberg.
44.Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45.Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46.Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47.Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48.Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49.Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50.Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?" 51.Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52.Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53.Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54.Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the Pizza. 55.Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56.Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57.Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58.Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59.Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60.If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." 61.Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62.Try to talk while drinking something.
63.Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
64.Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65.Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66.Be vague in your order.
67.When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68.If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69.After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cut-off. 70.Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71.State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72.Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73.Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74.Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75.When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76.Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77.Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78.Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79.Put them on hold.
80.Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81.Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82.Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
83.When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
84.When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85.Haggle.
86.Order a one-inch pizza.
87.Order term life insurance.
88.When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
89.Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90.Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91.While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
92.Engage in some serious swapping.
93.Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
94.Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95.If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96.Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97.Order a steamed pizza.
98.Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99.Have the pizza delivered to a rival pizza place.

[pleasant]

1. Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g. Your roommate: "How are you doing today?" You: "Today.... Today......")

2. Continuously refer to your roommate using terms of endearment (sweetcheeks, honeybuns). Slap him/her in the face if s/he ever does the same.


3. Kill several people. Store the corpses underneath your roommate's bed. Call the police.
4.
5. Become Forrest Gump.
6.
7. Incessantly rant about the government's attempts to control our minds by poisoning us with Dihydrous Monoxide. If your roommate tries to explain that Dihydrous Monoxide = H2O = Water, exclaim "HA!! THAT'S WHAT THEY /WANT/ YOU TO THINK!!!!"
8.
9. Intensely study the complete list of ways to annoy your roommate. Form a discussion group with your roommate. Give tests.
10.
11. Start a food drive around campus to feed your roommate. Comment often on how fat s/he's getting.
12.
13. Read nothing but "Human Calculator" books. Consistently make mistake's on simple math (e.g. "2 + 2 = ..3? No, 5! No.......")
14.
15. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
16. Twitch a lot.
17.
18. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
19.
20. Steal a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
21.
22. Become a subgenius.
23.
24. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
25.
26. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
27.
28. Speak in tongues.
29.
30. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
31.
32. Walk and talk backwards.
33.
34. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
35.
36. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
37.
38. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man, "Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
39.
40. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
41.
42. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
43.
44. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
45.
46. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
47.
48. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
49.
50. Eat glass.
51.
52. Smoke ball-point pens.
53.
54. Smile. All the time.
55.
56. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
57.
58. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.

59. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.

60.
61. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
62.
63. Dye all your underwear lime green.
64.
65. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
66.
67. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
68.
69. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
70.
71. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
72.
73. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
74.
75. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
76.
77. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
78.
79. Shave one eyebrow.
80.
81. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
82.
83. Put horseradish in your shoes.
84.
85. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that
86.
87. you can never find the book that you want.
88.
89. Always flush the toilet three times.
90.
91. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
92.
93. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
94.
95. Give him/her an allowance.
96.
97. Listen to radio static.

[joshg678]

there is also a way to get free pizza, just fallow some one in there, get the pizza they ordered, time, and then go home and wait a half hr, and call them and say that you ordered a pizza and i forget how it all works, i saw it on thebroken.org its all good.

[jeramy]

just do what josh says and say the toppings are bad (like the bacon is rock hard and they cooked it too long) then if they offer a discount on your next pizza or something, keep pushing til they give you a free pizza. wait for them to cook it and then go pick it up. you just got a free pizza.

[Seaneh]

Haha, the only pizza delivery place near me, well, theres two. But I know both the guys that own them. They'd be like "Sean, dont make me laugh. Do one". Haha, the detriments of small town life.

[Anonymous]

Wow Jeramy you actually copied word for word what KRose said in that episode and its called Social Engineering so read up on it and remember the master Kevin Mitnick

[putnik]

HAHA, those are some good ones. You know it's funny ordering a pizza in Hong Kong here without using those. Like the people who work there have very bad English so they struggle (no offense, pizza delievery guys) Well, when you try to tell them your address, well it's just funny. They're like 'uh, huh, is this rightla?'

[pleasant]

im glad you like all my thing to do when ordering a pizza

Run Forrest!!! Stop Forrest!!!

[joshg678]

Originally Posted by jeramy

just do what josh says and say the toppings are bad (like the bacon is rock hard and they cooked it too long) then if they offer a discount on your next pizza or something, keep pushing til they give you a free pizza. wait for them to cook it and then go pick it up. you just got a free pizza.

Yea thats exactly what i was thinking of but i forgot the part about the peperonies, lol.