Autopsy of a Dream

[lone wolf]

Story removed by author - new format rendered paragraph structure inintelligible

[GroundPounderUSMC]

A bit long winded, but aside from this.... Wonderfully put together. From the choie of words, to the absence of perfect grammar for the sake of the author's thoughts. I like it.

[lone wolf]

PFebruary 23/06PI have a feeling it isn't caring that gets you hurt, it's caring about a certain type of person. Lots of people care everyday and not get hurt. actually my job is helping people and I've called plenty of people who really desperately need help but like an injured animal they bite any hand that tries to help. BRAnyhow, I'm thinking for some reason you're attracted to people who eventually hurt you. Find different people to care for. Maybe that's your lesson to learn in life. Because we tend to repeat our lessons till we figure them out.PsatanstoystorePMarch 2/06Plone56wolf, it sounds like she was the relationship sabotuer. You just refused to play her passive agressive games. Nothing wrong with that.BRPMarch 4/06PYou fell in love with the woman of your dreams and she has let you down. BRBut is it better to have dreamt and lost, than to have never dreamt at all? BRIt sounds as if you need to accept the ending of this relationship now and before it turns any more sour. BRUnfortunately life can be so kind, and yet also so cruel, and the greater the joy, so often, the deeper the sadness when all is lost. BRJust let go.PCoachPMarch 12/06Pwell lone56wolf it sounds like you need to leave the past in the past and not bring it up at all. some women don't like to hear about stuff like that. they7 may not always admit it, but they really don't like to hear about your past relationships good or bad. stick with the present and talk about future plans with who ever you are with. nothing wrong with talking about the good ole days, but leave the women out of it. seems like you enjoy dragging your yesterdays into your tomorrows. try that, leaving the past where it belongs and see if that doesn't help your present situations.PBugsybearsPApril 9/06P~Any woman who stays with, or returns to, an abusive man has deep-seated psychological problems, if you ask me--or at the very least, a very low self-esteem. PShe sounds as if she has a low self-esteem, definitely, from years of abuse, and not just physical, but mental abuse (which can be worse, more damaging). I think many women stay in these abusive relationships, because they are "familiar", therefore "comfortable". A woman like this likely has no idea how to have a healthy relationship, with a non-abusive man--she may also feel she does not "deserve" one, so she creates drama and so on, with any "normal" man she may encounter...knowing, hoping he will validate her own feelings of lack of self-worth, so that she can tell herself "see, I have to go back to abusive men, because that is all I am capable of keeping". She may also be addicted to the "passion" and drama of an abusive relationship...and have problems with co-dependency.PNo one ought to feel as if they are "walking on eggs" in any relationship! THAT is not conducive to true intimacy, or trust...and TRUST is very vital, for without it, you have NOTHING!PTrust takes time, I think--as do healthy relationships. You were right to want friendship, first. ..you ought to try and stick with that mode of attempting new realtionships--and let it grow, naturally, from there.PI am always suspect of a man who tries to "rush" me into a relationship~~and I have learned this, the hard wayPMaybe she is just "impulsive"..and does not think, before she jumps in the water!!--then she gets in the water, and cannot swim!--Like I said (or thought I made clear)~~she does not sound as if she is capable of a "normal"or healthy relationship with a man. ..perhaps her own mother may have taught her this, from being and staying in an abusive relationship, herself?PShe could have also been a victim of child molestation, or abuse--at this rate, you may never know. My question is, do you really want to?FONT size=2PDara/FONTPApril 10/06Phi i just read your post BRi feel really bad for you. You sound like a nice person.. and yes i think you just need to let go of her. She's not worth your time or your love. The things you have said she has done to you... i don't know how or why you put up with it. And i think you should have just walked and not even bothered with her.. saying that however.. is much easier said than done! BRShe is not a very nice person.. and i think you'd be better off just trying to forget her. Get yourself involved in other things and people.. and yes stay away from these kinds of people. Find someone without baggage?? especially the whole thing with her ex.. warning bells should have gone off and told you to stay clear. Think with your head.. not just your heart.. instinct is something that usually leads you in the right direction. learn to trust it. Find someone who you can enjoy your life with.. not someone you need to be a crutch for.. you deserve more than that. BRTake care hunPAlexandraPApril 16/06PWhew ! What a Dream ...? More like a Nightmare...? Are'nt you glad its over...a new beginning looms over the horizon. I wish you meet a more suitable soul-mate soon.PSureshPApril 26/06PLone wolf,PHave you wondered how perfectly wise & level headed people sometimes complicate their lives in such a way that its like a maze...very difficult to find the right direction & get out.PA relationship is something that grows on us everyday. It takes a lot of nurturing & understanding. If that's not happening...however hard you try, its time to do a reality check. Which of course you did. PSituations like these can never be easy & it takes time to heal. But heal you shall. The catch is to treat other people you meet in you life as you move on, who interest you, as different individuals & never compare them with your ex which we tend to do unconsciously very often & get spooked.PBunty.PMay 1/06PWow...quite lengthy. This seems to have been written from a personal experience - forgive me for the following if it's really fictional prose... PI'm sorry that you went through so much trauma. Love can be such a beautiful and tragic thing...and yes, blind. It's a shame for that girl, because she obviously doesn't realize what she's lost - which is, someone who cared for her relentlessly, and could have been there forever if she'd only been willing to let go of her self-centredness. It's also a shame for you, because you put so much into the relationship and got so little in return. One day, she's going to realize that she was an absolute fool...maybe not right away, but it'll happen. She owes you a lot for your patience and love. PI hope that one day you'll find someone more worthy of your affections, and someone who will return them as you deserve. PAll the best, PAxiomaticPMay 8/06PI read your letter, and I feel so sorry you had to go through so much pain. After reading your story I couldn't help but feel that this woman can act "normal" for "x" amount of time and then her true colors come out. She thrives on drama, and it seems no matter what you would have done, said, etc., she would have turned it around and used it against you, period. She was with someone who is abusive, and an abusive person does exactly what she did to you - makes it YOUR fault that she had to hurt you. She was completely unreasonable asking you to not question the fact that she was toying with her ex's account. If its over, its over, leave them alone. People that are afraid of someone don't do things that can get that persons attention, yet she did. It seems she is addicted to chaos in her own right, and became an abuser herself. The headgames she played with you are just that - games - and since you don't even know her rules there is no way you could win. You are right, someone like her could never have a normal relationship, and she seems hell-bent on never having one, because anyone decent she meets she will abuse with her cruel games. The only way to win her game is not to play, and to walk away from her entirely. Don't feel bad about what you did or said, because she would have found SOMETHING, ANYTHING to get you both to this point ANYWAY. Had she not poked your "hornets nest" she would not have received the few "stings" she got from you, and let's face it, she stung you NUMEROUS times FIRST. She was "baiting you" my friend, to bring out the worst in you, and bring you down to her level. I wish you the best, and hope you find what you are looking for, and are able to avoid encounters with the likes of her.P...anonymous from AOLPMay 13/06PI agree to some degree with satanstoystore. I don't think it's a particular type of person, it's any. You want love and at first sight. You want the big american dream. BRShe is a very messed up person. Abused, cheated, lied to. Children problems. I can't imagine what it's like for her to hear her son wanted to leave her. Devistating. Is there more to that than meets the eye. PTruth of the matter she wasn't ready for this relationship. She was lonely and took the hand you offered. PBut you gave more than a relationship starting slowly, making building blocks and cementing foundations. Going by what you have written you jumped in with both feet believeing that this was it. PI am sorry for your pain, i am sorry for her messed up head and now yours. PThe fact that she is playing head games still with her husband means she hasn't yet let go of him. And it wouldn't surprise me for you to post she is back with her husband. (Maybe you did but i didn't see that). PI suspect that she will keep in touch with you too. BRShe fits the bill of PD (Personality Disorder) Which PD; i don't know. I am no doctor and really wouldn't like to diagnose. If i did i would probably say Histronic. HPD. PThey are drama queens. PThey lie compulsivly. PThey cheat. PThey have very little understanding or care for others feelings. PNone to very little empathy for others. PUse the other party to get what they want/phsycal or material. PAccuasations against you for nothing. PEmotionally and/or physically abusive in most cases. POut bursts infront of others that don't make sense. PStrange behaviour or bad behaviour for no reason at all. BRetc etc etc. PIf she is, and again i stress i am not diagnosing, but if she is, you are better off where you are; away from her. PMost people with HPD, will not agree to it and will never get or be treated for it. let's face it, no one ever even hears of it. Had you? PYou can check it out at this link if you want. http://www.psychforums.com/viewforum.php?f=143 PThere is about 15 questions that ask if the fit the criteria. And if they fit i believe it's about 8 of those then it's pretty much they you are on the right path. From what you have written (and remember we have to trust and make an opinion from what you wrote) she seems to be. PIf she does fit the bill, this is not her fault. Usually a traumatic experience in childhood caused this to happen. It's a problem as real as deafness, or diabeties and she doesn't even know what she's done. OK. Bare that in mind. PI could be 180 degrees out on this one mate. And forgive me for that. Use the link, have a read. There are many many stories there just like yours. PI really felt for you while reading your story. Love isn't blind and love isn't at first sight. Love can only get you so far in the relationship, friendship and respect, and want and need and care are also huge factors. And that river has to flow both ways. PLike i said i am not diagnosing your ex, i can't i am not qualified to, but i have aread about HPD's and talked to some for nearly two years now, and she may well be a serious candiate. Pregards PGeo.PMay 20 2006PBeautiful post. BRAnd you don't need advice or encouragement, you're healing nicely.BRThanks for writing that, it will show people they're not the only ones loving too soon and too much and mourning for the loss of a dream.PAlexandra

[JohnWhitney]

Wonderfully put together, nice enjoyable read.


--------BRJohn
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[Tig4r]

Dramatic LOL

That was sooo good!!!

Cheers all Tig4r ver 2.1