Bar Joke

[kcmandava]

man walks into a bar swinging a set of jumper leads above his head. The barman looks over and says "You're not going to start anything in here, mate!"

A fag walks into a straight bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here, I don't serve fags!" The fag asks, "Is it alright if I just sit in the corner?" The bartender accepts, and the fag sits in the corner. A few hours later, a cowboy walks in and says, "I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a cow's balls!" The fag calls over, "MOO!"

Three strings walk into a bar. The bartender throws them out, yelling "Can't you read the sign?! I don't serve strings." The strings try again, and again the bartender kicks them out. Finally, one of the strings gets the idea to mess himself up a little. He walks into the bar. The bartender scowls, "What's wrong with you? Can't you read? I don't serve strings!" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"

A mushroom walks into a bar. He sits next to a beautiful woman and tries to pick her up. He gives her a few cheap lines, and she replies "Get out of here, I don't want nothing to do with you!" Then the mushroom says, "What's the matter? I'm a fun-gi!"

A guy walked into a bar and noticed a beautiful blonde sitting at the bar. He walked up to her and said "Can I buy you a drink?" She replied "Yes you may, but you won't get to first base with me." "And why not?" replied the guy. "Because I'm a lesbian." she replied. "Oh, so you're from Lebanon." "You don't know what a lesbian is, do you?" "No, I can't say I do." replied the guy.

"Let me try to explain." said the blonde. "You see that girl at the end of the bar? Well, I would like to make passionate love to her, and kiss her all over all night long." She looked aside and saw the guy with his head down sobbing uncontrollably. "What's the matter with you?!" The guy slowly looked up at her and said "My GOD...I think I'm a lesbian, too!"

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."

Two guys are sitting at a bar. After a bunch of drinks over several
hours, one guy hiccups, drops his head down to his chest, pushes himself
away from the bar, and proceeds to hurl all over himself.

Wiping his mouth off on his shirt sleeve, he says, "Man, I gotta go
home. I'm already 2 hours late, and now I've thrown up all over myself.
The ole' lady is gonna kill me.

The second guy turns to the first and says, "Naw she won't. Listen, you
got twenty bucks?"

The first says, "Yeah, why?"

The second drunk says, "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket.
When you get home and your wife asks what happened, you tell her some
guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry
cleaning. I do it all the time.

The first guys says, "Great idea! Let's have another round", and the two
continued to drink for the next couple of hours.

Eventually they head home. Sure enough, the first guys wife is waiting
up for him. As he walks through the door, she takes a look at him and
says, "Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours late, drunk as a
skunk, and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have
you got to say for yourself?!?"

He says, "Wait honey, listen for a second. This drunk guy threw up on me
and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned, I swear. Check my
front pocket."

She reaches in and pulls out two twenty dollar bills.

She says, "Wait there's 40 bucks in here!"

He says, "Oh yeah, he crapped in my pants too!!"

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down.
He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The
bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears
in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a
beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't
serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a
beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent,
bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the
woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent,
bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

[L4nc3k]

lolololololol.
Nice joke chaitanyamandava
Kept it as reference(u won't mind, right?)
-Lance