Top o'the morning to you

[kevgibbo]

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.

Roland, the class geek, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher, "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Shaun O'Malley jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice, "Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says "it will take the contagious".

[GroundPounderUSMC]

rofl lmfao hahahahahahahahahahahahaha are you serious!!!! hahahahahaha well done!!

[mrsspider]

Cat

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell. That poor kitty!!

"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..."

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria. They sat down at a window table, and a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision.

They shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!"

Their eyes froze in the direction of the serving line. They saw with shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.

The woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

Her eyes widened, and she began to make gasping noises. The noises grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.

The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered and the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well- trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.