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here's a poem

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encaged_by_rage
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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 4:49 pm    Post subject: here's a poem Reply with quote

Falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of reality

Seeping into the darkened fields of time

Pushing and breaking my mind called sanity

Opening my thoughts of nothing ness turned blind

 

Always reaching out for something that’s never there

Holding onto the edge of past memories

Conveying the times of which have been shrouded by hair

The hair that drapes and drowns in calamities

 

The ecstasy of what light might shine through

The disappointment of realization

Playing in my head what poison might do

Opening paths that lead to Condemnation

 

Devouring voices that talk of nothing but pain

Repeatedly been struck down by misfortune

Losing hope and heightening goals that question the sane

Always waiting and hoping for the process of healing

 

Looking and wondering what time might bring

If time was stopped for just a moment and forever more

Hoping for the darkening prize of being King

But not King at all, but a child laying on the floor

 

Eyes fixated on the expanding seamless skies

Listening to the sounds of flying cackles

Paranoia of watching figures that excrete the lies

The new and the old, the cents and the nickels

 

Taking my mindless thoughts for granted

Shredding them into a thousand pieces

 

 

 

 


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Raz
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PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 6:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I think its creative, but the colors hurts my eyes, lol
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IamTheKing9
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Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Location: Mumbai, India
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
This is... amazing. You got an incredible vocabulary, and you've made full use of it, getting most rhymes right.
Plus, the poem's quite creative. Though I think you shouldn't use the word "but" two times in -
But not King at all, but a child laying on the floor.
And oh, the colours are hurting my eyes. You should darken that green.
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